Hi Friend!
If you’ve read my first blog post then you would have heard me mention being in university, having no clue what I wanted to do in the future, and applying to roles my friends were applying to. In this post I will talk about why comparing yourself to others is not always a good thing and how you can slay in your own lane!
Believe in your slay
/bɪˈliːv/ɪn/yo/sleɪ/
verb
1. the belief that, in every circumstance, you are the shizz-na-yee!
Comparison is a completely natural thing. I remember being younger and comparing myself to my cousins and friends. I think it takes time for one to be completely comfortable in themselves. To be confident and feel like they’re the bee’s knees’. The first time I felt like this was after my first big chop - me cutting all my hair off and rocking my small afro! I think I felt most confident during this time because I had nothing to hide behind, no weave or extensions, I just had to rock it and believe in my slay!
I’m at an age where everyone around me is doing COMPLETELY different things. People are working, studying, travelling, having children, getting married and even buying houses!!! I am constantly in awe of the people around me and those in my network - they encourage me to push myself and be the best version of me. However, I believe that we all at some stage have had thoughts in our mind, no matter how small or big, that involve us comparing ourselves to those around us or people we may follow on social media.
Although you are happy for someone, you can’t shake that small niggling feeling, the one that wants to compare what you are doing to what they are doing or where you are at to where they are at. I felt this the most during my gap year whilst I was applying to graduate roles. Many people had started in their roles or had great plans for the future… and then there was me. I was at home most days, and I honestly felt like a couch potato at that time. Gym was a rarity and I’m sure many can relate to not being hungry but eating anyway, just because there isn’t anything else to do. Even though I knew what I was working towards and I was doing what I could to get as tech savvy as possible, that feeling was still there and then the doubt crept in. Maybe I should have applied to jobs in my final year? What if I don’t get a job? Clearly these firms are rejecting me for a reason, am I even good enough?
I decided to delete social media because I would find myself scrolling through Instagram for the fourth time in the hour, rather than doing the numerical test which had a deadline of yesterday. It was also really affecting my state of mind - I think I compared myself subconsciously to the accounts I was viewing. Being off social media was honestly a great decision for me. My productivity levels increased and I was forced to focus on myself rather than on the lives of others. Everyone has their own battles and I think it is vital to identify these things in order for you to progress and do what you need to do, so you can get to where you want to be.
I’ve got 5 top tips on how you can slay in your own lane:
1) Focus on YOU
You are the only one who truly knows what your goals are and what things you have been working towards. Focus on the journey you are on and the things you have to do in order to reach your goals. Take some time out to write down your goals and the steps you have to take to get there. I know sometimes it may feel like you can see the top of the mountain but no path to even get to the bottom of it. Rome was not built in a day and you will not get there overnight. I totally understand there may be factors beyond your control that steal your focus. However, if you know there is an obstacle that is preventing you from taking those steps towards your goal and it is something you can control, find ways to redirect your focus back. As I stated in my previous post, whilst in my final year, focusing on what my friends post-university plans was not going to help me get closer to knowing what I wanted to do. There came a time I had to take a step back and focus on me.
2) Everyone goes through the struggle
Absolutely everybody had a journey to get to where they are now, people don’t always share that journey, but I can guarantee that nine times out of ten there was a grind and struggle involved! People reading who know me personally know the STRUGGLE I went through with applying for jobs. Whenever someone asked how I was, they got the same answer. I’m telling you now that if you are going through a struggle, it is not in vain! You get out what you put in, everything you are working for will happen for you when it happens for you, in your own time, not in others. I recently read a post on LinkedIn by a friend (Shout out to Akil and his #MondayMotivation) where he spoke about finally getting an offer for a training contract after his own struggle, and thinking “Now what?”. I know it’s easier said than done, but try and enjoy the struggle. I say this because once you reach your goal, that isn’t the end, that’s where it begins! There will be another struggle as you will have another goal. Staying motivated through this period is also important, it can be easy to get bogged down and want to give up, but keep your end goal in mind.
3) Knowledge is power
We are in a time where everything we want is at our disposal. There are a multitude of places in which you can gain knowledge about the things you want to do. Whether you want to learn to code, start a business or be an astronaut, it’s all at your fingertips! We all have our goals. However there is a process involved in getting there. During that process you should attempt to gain as much knowledge as you can, so when you do get that interview, or that opportunity to showcase your skills, you are well equipped. If it is job related, then try and connect with people in that field. Networking is something I didn’t do much of in uni. However, when I was sure technology was the path for me (after I had graduated), I networked my butt off! I reached out to random people on LinkedIn, connected with people from events I went to and took the extra step of asking to meet people for coffee to speak more about their journey and what they do. I am aware of how daunting this all may sound! But remember that your network is your net worth!
4) Get rid of distractions
Over the past year or so I have done random ‘social media detoxes’ where I delete all my socials so I could really focus on the things I had wanted to do. I always got backlash from friends, as they would send me things and I’d have yet again deleted the apps. But I didn’t really care (sorry guys) as I knew why I needed to do it. I started to become more mindful of what I let in. I didn’t want to see posts of someone’s amazing body whilst I sat and ate my cookie dough ice cream! Being off social media really helped me to focus on whatever I was doing at the time, and stopped me comparing my situation to others since I didn’t constantly see it every day! If you know that social media could potentially be hindering you then I strongly suggest that, if not deleting it altogether, you should try limiting the time you spend on it.
5) Believe in your slay
You know how to do you best. Whatever stage you are at, or whatever you are doing right now, believe in yourself! Whilst applying for roles, I reached out to someone on LinkedIn for some advice. He actually did give me some decent advice and I had expressed to him all the things I was doing to upskill myself. However, during the conversation he proceeded to tell me that “no one will higher you” due to my lack of experience. And yes! Hire was spelt like that! My first thought was “Do you know who I am?” and my second was “The cheek of this boy to tell ME that I will not get hired”. Well the joke’s on him as I am now hired by one of the largest banks in the world! I’m sharing this with you because no-one, and I mean NO-ONE, not your parents, your man, your girl or dog should tell you that you can’t achieve something, especially if you have been working hard to reach your goal. Keep on doing you, believe in your slay and stay shining!
God Bless,
DD x